On Graduation and Growing Up

I've been living the postgraduate life for about a week now, which means things are slowing down and hopefully blog posts are coming sooner. 

My boyfriend asked me this morning why I hadn't made a blog post about graduation and I sat there dumbfounded. In all honesty... I hadn't even thought to talk about it.

On the 'feeling' of graduating

I can't really describe what it's like to be out of college because it doesn't feel like school is really over. I admit that when I walked across that huge stage to get my "diploma", I did feel a sense of finality and that things in college were coming to an end. I also admit that when I moved out of my dorm it did feel a little different than years previous because I had this weird feeling that I wouldn't be coming back. 

However, this feeling was something that I had to constantly remind myself about. I felt like I was making myself sad when really I had no emotions going through me at all. I kept telling myself 'You should be sad right now. You should be paying attention to what's going on. You should be remembering every second you have left."  I was numb to the graduation hysteria, up until I said goodbye to my friends. 

I found myself sitting in the car, watching the buildings of my university disappear as we drove away and thinking that I should remember this moment because I'm never going to come back. 

Now I know never is a strong word because I'm probably going to be back sometime for reunions or other occasions but all in all, I will never be on campus the same way that I was as an undergrad. Confronting that fact alone is something that both relieves me and scares me. 

The week before graduation, time was crawling. No one knew what was going on, I had no finals to do, and most days were spent lazing on the couch or playing Sims 4 in the common room. Our rooms were half packed and in a state of disarray, and our fridge is getting gradually more empty as we ate the foods we liked and left behind ones we didn't. 

It felt like things were winding down but the tail end of school came faster than anything I've ever experienced. On Friday we were relaxing in our apartment and Saturday evening we were preparing our goodbyes as we stepped halfway out the door. 

On living at home

Now that I'm back home living with my parent's things are a lot different than when I lived on my own. 

I'm sure any college graduate that has moved back in with their parents can tell you that adjusting from operating on your schedule to operating on your parent's schedule is a pretty big change. 

You lose that freedom that you had at school and you have to figure out how to be an adult in a space where your parents are also adults (though they may not treat you as such). 

The biggest emotional hurdle I encountered when moving back home was sitting in my childhood room with bags and boxes from my previous apartment that I now had no place for. I knew a major rehaul was in order. That day, I sifted through everything I owned from the time I was born up until my shopping trip last week.  I got rid of a lot of stuff that I tried to hold onto for sentimental reasons, which was hard. 

I realized that I had been using this room as a space to hold old memories, not as space I could actually live in post-graduation, so I took a few hours out of my day to do some cleaning discarding and donating. With all that done, my childhood sleep space became my adult workspace.

On jobs

For those who have been blessed with a job starting right after graduation, life may be a little bit different for you than it is for me. 

I received a summer position that doesn't start until July so I have a lot more free time than I expected. 

Right now I'm just trying to form new healthy routines, like working out and studying for the JLPT N2 that I might be taking in December. 

In a way, I'm kind of afraid for the end of the summer "vacation" because once the fall comes around my adult life is starting and there's nothing I can do about it. I'm sure every person has this moment in their life where they have to come to terms with changing and growing up, but I never considered how I would feel when it happened to me. 

To all the graduates out there, you did it! I'd love to hear your thoughts about this topic and as always thanks for reading :)