Officially 25 Years Old

Now that the date officially reads as 'July 29th' (at least here in France), I am happy to announce that I am now 25 years old. 

24 year old life has served me well; I've traveled around the world, attempted another language, moved in with my boyfriend, made countless new friends, and learned a lot about myself along the way. 

This year passed quickly; I felt like I was always in motion to check the next box or accomplish the next task. Whether I was applying for a student visa or jumping on the bus 30 minutes ahead of time to go to class, 24 was the year where I never stopped moving.

And so now at 25, I finally get to sit down for a bit and write about it all.

I'll admit to you, even at 25 I'm not fully grown. I feel like a child when I contact people to interview for my thesis on Linkedin. When I see their long and illustrious careers, my confidence wavers wondering why in the world they might want to speak with me. I still instinctively want to call my father when I get an email from my 401k or health insurance provider so I don't "mess anything up". When I wake up from a nightmare that disturbs me, or when my stomach twists and I find myself feeling ill, my first thought is to call my mother to rush in and care for me. 

Remember when you were a child, and you looked at your family members in their early 20's and thought they looked so wise and mature, like they had everything figured out? I look in the mirror today and the girl looking back at me still looks so young and small. I wouldn't be able to say with confidence that I identified with the world "adult".

But I have come to terms with things that might have made teenage me drop her jaw, and perhaps feel a bit proud. My frizzy hair and I have come to a sort of truce, with her cooperating so long as humidity isn't too high. I've seen more of the globe than I could have ever anticipated as a teen girl with her heart set exclusively on going to Japan. My mom and I have a wonderful relationship and video call regularly to discuss everything under the sun. 

There was a point in my teen life where I found it so hard to talk with my mother in particular. Whenever I wanted to say the words "I love you" or "Thank you" or even "You were right, Mom", they felt trapped inside a bubble in my throat, and we would end our bickering with heavy silence, waiting for what I could not manage to say. 

25 year old me may roll her eyes when admitting my mom may have been correct after all, but it seems with a comfortability in myself comes the ability to be comfortable with those closest to me. 

I look back on years prior with a twinge of regret, how I handled some situations or spoke with a past friend, but now at 25 I shed any "what if's" more easily, and accept the present for what it is. I can understand that not everyone will love me, but what's important is that I have so many who do. 

Speaking of those who love me, I want to say a special thank you to Noor and Guillaume for making this day so special for me. They took me out and about, preparing a picnic, presents and decorations for me. I felt like a real princess, plastic tiara and all!

My next post will be the second part of my Jordan trip, hope you all look forward to it!